The Non-Negotiable List


Choosing one significant intimate partner who fulfils your needs and having good friends who meet other requirements is a wise option. However, this does not mean you should be playing the field. It is about placing less unrealistic expectations on your partner to fulfil ALL your needs. As the saying goes, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”. Placing unrealistic expectations on your partner will result in both heartache and chaos.

Will Smith openly shared his decision to ‘resign from making Jada happy’. It was his way of affirming Jada’s ability to make herself happy. He did not resign because he loved her less. Instead, it came from a place where he loved her enough to understand that she had what she needs within herself.

There are many activities one can do to bring a relationship into being. When this exercise is completed, the success rate of finding an intimate partner will happen within two days to two months.


The Focused Partner Seeking Exercise


It’s time to reveal what you are looking for in your future partner…

Make a list of all the attributes or ‘wants’ you are looking for in a partner. Make sure you get specific. Here are some ideas or common characteristics that people often think of:

  • Physical appearance – height, build, the colour of eyes and hair
  • Career – working in a trade, self-employed or a professional
  • Hobbies – type, commonality, and level of involvement
  • Family – relationships with immediate family and extended family
  • Religion
  • Financial status
  • Children
  • Sexual preferences
  • Social habits
  • Characteristic Traits

Be as creative as you like. The list can be as long as you want.

Start making a list and give yourself time to complete the exercise. Once the first version of your list is ready, take some time out and walk away from the task. Allow the energy and intention to settle in.

It may be a couple of hours or days before you go back to your list and make any changes that might have come to mind whilst you were away.

Once you have completed the final version of your list, choose five items on your list that are non-negotiable. Non-negotiables are the ‘must haves’ in an intimate partner. Choose only five non-negotiables! Write these five items down in a column labelled “Non-Negotiable”.

Next, add up the number of remaining items on your list. Divide this number by four (rounding off to the nearest whole number where necessary). The divided number then identifies how many items on the list will need to be added to each of the remaining four columns that are still to be created. For example, if your list added up to 39 items. Divide 39 by 4 = 10,10,10 & 9.

Your columns will have the following headings:

  • Non-Negotiable – 5 ‘must haves’ only. 
  • Somewhat negotiable 
  • Negotiable
  • Easily negotiable 
  • Non-essential 

Now scan your list and start moving each ‘want’ into one of the header columns. Keep rearranging the ‘wants’ until you have spread them evenly amongst the columns.

You now have a view of what you are looking for in a partner. It is a focused view that is specific to your own lens.

Next time you are on a date, mentally check if they tick the five non-negotiables. If they do not, then move on. Your non-negotiables are just that… non-negotiable! I strongly recommend going on no less than three dates with the same person before you decide to either move on or give it a shot.

Think of these dates as ‘trials’, which gives you the license and flexibility to find out more about the person. As with all trials, you will collect data and assess whether they have what you are looking for.

When they tick all the items on your non-negotiable list. Carry on checking off all the other things in the remaining four columns as you continue to see this person more often.

Anytime you start dating someone, and you know they do not tick all the non-negotiables, you settle for something less than what you want and desire. It will ultimately turn pear-shaped. However, suppose you have found someone who fulfils your Non-Negotiable list. In that case, you will be ready to do what it takes to have a fulfilling relationship. If they do not meet your non-negotiables, you will be unconsciously trying to change them.

My blog area is dedicated to assisting people in providing real-world perspectives on life matters. Not everything I write about is easy to digest… My intention is to give you opportunities to widen your lens.  

Now go out there and get that particular person who will fulfil your Non-Negotiable List. 

AG Signing out!

For direct answers to your specific personal questions, please contact Adrienne Gulliver directly.

Read more about Adrienne’s services.

Author – Adrienne Gulliver


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